learning from illness -- one of those Damned Life Lessons

[lagilman]

The thing about Crohns' is that nobody really 'has it' in the same way. I'm fortunate enough to be in remission most of the time, allowing me to almost* forget that I have this disease at all.

And then the Universe sees fit to remind me.

What annoys me the most about yesterday's flare-up is that I lost an entire afternoon/evening of work, which means that for the past few days I've only been able to work on two of the three major projects I have going. Since stress can worsen my symptoms, this also may be the Universe's way of saying "finish the first, then start the third, damn it, you're not Superwriter."

*grumble*

But, considering I have a double-handful of things to do in addition to the Three Majors Projects (including a short story I just agreed to write), this may be good advice.**

In fact, it's probably good advice for anyone: take on a a little more than you can handle -- that's good for you, and teaches you limits -- and how to move past them. But -- even in this crazy, "OMG we're all going to be out in the street unless we work constantly" days [and yeah, we're all feeling it], there's a point at which you have to stop, breathe, and find zen. At least for ten minutes

By finding Zen I don't mean slacking out or vegging in front of the television. I mean ten minutes in which you simply sit quietly and let everything inside you settle, consciously letting go of all the stress and worry and deadlines, and letting yourself be -- and taking note of where you are when you are being yourself. And yes, the irony of using an active tense to describe meditation is not lost on me, and may in fact be the point. This is not a passive meditation.

Breathe. Don't work. Don't consciously chase logic patterns or contemplate your toes. Just breathe and be. Feel out what's inside you, and where you want to go next.

And then go back to whatever needs doing.



*I have to be constantly aware of what I eat, since that can worsen a flare-up, but that's become part of my day-to-day routine and I barely notice it any more.
** this did not, of course, stop me from just now writing down all THREE major projects on my to-do list for the day. *facepalm*

Comments

[wishwords.livejournal.com]

Good words. It took me two and a half days to figure out that my body was telling me (allergies) to just take some time without fretting over stories, articles, craft projects, housework, exercise, meetings, and money. Two and a half days where I got nothing done. And then half a day of relishing some of the old ghost stories I love and some new old ones I'd missed. Today, I can write again.

Hmm, I used to meditate every day. Somehow I let life get in the way. And now, things get in the way of life. I should fix that.

Thank you.

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

*carefully and surreptitiously removes project #3 from today's list* You have the notes your Mom's taken. You have however much you've done on the revised outline. Those things and the inspiriations they bring will be there when MUSTANG is done. Don't break yourself down!

Also, I didn't know you had Crohns'. I'm glad it's a generally-in-remission thing for you.

[lagilman]

Also, I didn't know you had Crohns'. I'm glad it's a generally-in-remission thing for you.

*nods* I'm very very fortunate -- it landed me in the ER a time or two, and then in the hospital for a week in 1994 [hel-lo prednisone!], but since then I've been able to skate by with just the occasional lost day (and a lot of whinging). My cousin has a severe form affecting her entire tract, and... *shudder*

[any IBD is hell -- and not made any better for the embarrassing nature of some of the symptoms)

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Oh, your poor cousin. :/ I have a friend who suffered similarly. She ended up having a colostomy about ten years ago after a Christmas which we all really, truly thought would be her last. She's fine now, but without modern medicine...

Anyway, don't work yourself sick, silly woman. We want you healthy when you come to P-Con next year. :)

[lagilman]

Y'know, next year I have sorta committed to Australia, France, and Ireland. I think I need to sell another project just to pay for my plane tickets....

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Oh, good, another project to fill your copious free time!

I'll open the chat window in a minute here and we can do some work. :)

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

Ditto what Catie said! I didn't know either. Hope you are feeling better.

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

I don't have Crohn's myself (IBS here), but a colleague does, and my son has it. We just went through a Remicade treatment--normal now, but there was a period of several years where he had loooong infusion periods because he'd had a rate reaction. As in 10 hour infusions instead of the typical 3-4 hours in the infusion center.

He's now at the point where he manages it pretty well--as long as the Remicade's in use. But he does flare in the summer when it's hot.

[lagilman]

My sympathies to your son! How old was he when it was diagnosed?


I get by on anti-inflamation drugs, for which my freelancers insurance coverage gives mighty thanks.

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

He was a sophomore in high school, and had just turned sixteen. Fistulizing Crohn's. We tried all the less-expensive meds, but it was the Remicade that worked--and still seems to work, except for chafing in the heat.

[klingonguy.livejournal.com]

stop, breathe, and find zen. at least for ten minutes

sounds like good advice to me. I'll try it if you will.


What is it with all this stress, eh?

[lagilman]

I'm already doing it. Catch up!

[klingonguy.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I'd like to.

I'm new to this whole "relaxing" thing.

[wedschilde.livejournal.com]

you HAVE to contemplate your toes. toes are seditious things.

[lagilman]

so long as they're not secessionist things...

[wedschilde.livejournal.com]

spelling in the morning sucks donkey toes. it does!

[jperceval.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about the flare-up. Meditating is easier said than done, isn't it? I really need to find the time to do it as well.

[lagilman]

I find that a walking meditation works for me, rather than sitting. Once the body gets into a groove, the mind just naturally calms down. Also, many of us are simply not designed for long periods of stillness. :-)

[egret17.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you're mostly in remission, but those flareups are always sort of a smackdown, aren't they? My particular IBD is microscopic colitis, so I can definitely sympathize.

[lagilman]

IBD is a particular circle of hell.

[baka-kit.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better soon!

(I have a different chronic condition, and coming to the realization that it's not going to magically go away and I'm going to have to adapt to it and yes, accept some new limitations is a a difficult journey.)

[neadods.livejournal.com]

it's probably good advice for anyone: take on a a little more than you can handle

I don't know... I'm still at some points thinking that life itself is a little more than I can handle. But the zen moments... I've started a new tradition, of sitting quietly in bed, for a couple of minutes or as long as I'm awake, listening to an audiobook and knitting. It's wonderfully grounding.

[fatbaldguy60.livejournal.com]

My sister-in-law [well, ex-sister-in-law] has Crohns'. I saw and heard a number of horror stories about it and am amazed how well many people are able to cope with it.

Really, really looking forward to Vineart 1.