rant, rant, and meme

[lagilman]

Some days, I find myself wondering if I'm really expecting too much of the human race.



Rant the First:

So there I was, sitting in Starbucks, letting them pay for the a/c in exchange for my buying lunch. Apparently lots of other people had a similar plan, because it was moderately packed. So much so in fact that every table was doubling up, until the only 'single-occupant' tables were mine, and an older gentleman at the table opposite me.

An older (60+) woman came by and started to sit down at my table. I looked up, somewhat surprised -- the tables were small, and I had a manuscript, a laptop, a drink and my sandwich covering every inch, while the other singleton table was clear. She must have seen my surprise (and, I admit it, my faint annoyance), because she said, rather indignantly, "I couldn't sit with a strange man."

Oh. Okay. I don't quite get that -- clearly a generational thing, and would it have killed her to ask me, before just sitting down? -- but I rearranged my stuff and she sat down. I went back to my manuscript -- and she promptly tried to engage me in conversation, despite the fact that I was obviously working. In fact, in response to her "what are you studying?" I said, rather bluntly, "I'm working on a project. For work. With a deadline."

"Oh. You work around here?"

*sighs*

Lady, you really need to learn the rules of the road. I was willing to give way before your generational bias (although I admit to being WTF? because it's a table for ten minutes, not overnight sleeping arrangements, but whatever), because to do otherwise would have been rude. However, the same niceties that keep you from sitting with a strange man as opposed to a strange woman really should also teach you a) asking if a seat is available is Just Good Manners, and b) that while casual chitchat is a good way to break the ice and pass time, it's not acceptable to force it on someone who clearly isn't interested. The fact that you persisted showed an amazing lack of respect, and made me less willing, next time, to give way in the face of YOUR personal needs.




Rant the Second:

Someone said "we need to get in touch with person who can help us with Important X." I said "I used to work with the person who is in charge of Important X at the company in question, and am willing to provide introductions, if you'd like."

Does Someone get in touch with me? Someone does not.

*is too tired to flail at the stupid stupidity*


Despite all that, I actually got a lot of work done today, so we'll end on a non-ranty meme:

Where is your cell phone?
Under a cat.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife?
Out there, somewhere.

Your hair?
Braided, right now.

Where is your father?
Several miles downtown.

Cheesecake?
In small doses.

Your dream last night?
Weirder than usual.

Your favorite drink?
Depends on mood.

Your dream car?
Sleek and responsive.

The room you're in?
The office alcove.

George Bush?
Can go now.

Nipple rings?
I think not.

Who did you hang out with last night?
I was antisocial.

What you're not good at?
The list's long.

Your best friend?
Plural, not singular.

Student loans?
Long paid off.

Where did you grow up?
Suburban New Jersey.

The last thing you did?
Moved a cat.

What are you wearing?
Linen and cotton.

Tattoo on the lower back?
No ink anywhere.

Ketchup?
Only if spicy.

Your computer?
Up and running.

Your life?
Work in progress.

Your mood?
Content and cranky.

Missing?
Everyone's accounted for.

What are you thinking about right now?
Work to do.

Your car?
Upstate with 0eris0.

Your summer?
Busy and warm.

Your relationship status?
Complicated but good.

Your favorite color?
Burgundy and Forest.

When is the last time you laughed?
Yesterday, I think.

Last time you cried?
Last week -- exhaustion.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow?
Done, doing, planning.

High school?
Do Not Miss.

Comments

[12stargazers.livejournal.com]

If your unwanted table companion is of the age and etiquette training I think she is, she did think she was being polite. Or she was trying to cover her unease at dining with a total stranger. Or she was just being nosy for the sake of it. Of course, she could also be out of touch with current Polite Manners in Coffee Shops.

Plus some people consider coffee shops to be the next thing in bars when it comes to picking up strangers. (At least, people feel free to bother me and others of my family who like to go to coffee shops and read (or whatever) for entertaiment.)

Regardless, she should have respected the "I'm working" and stopped talking.

[lagilman]

I've no objection to sharing a table, or some brief small talk when someone sits down, to establish polite connections. That comes with working in a small coffee shop, especially in a relatively small town. But normal etiquette at any age is a) to say "excuse me, is this chair taken?" rather than just pulling it out and sitting down, and b) if the person you've joined goes right back to work, to respect that, and just drink your damn coffee and read your damn book, not chatter/try to instigate conversation.

[house-draven.livejournal.com]

She's a little late to be that sensitive about strange men. That belongs to my grandmother's generation, and she'd be about 90 now were she still living. (When we were in Europe and she wanted to take a nap, I wasn't allowed to go downstairs to the hotel lobby because nice girls don't hang around hotel lobbies.)

Both your rants are justified, imho.

[lagilman]

She's a little late to be that sensitive about strange men.

To be fair, this is a rather Conservative Jewish neighborhood, so her mores may well be that of a woman a generation older in 'modern' society. But she wasn't wearing the usual "recognize me for what I am!" attire that would have, well, identified her as such, so....

(and me, I do NOT identify within that community, and several of the younger women working there today did, so I don't know if she was making assumptions about me... oh hell, she was just Clueless Rude, and I'm tired of making apologies for people).

[house-draven.livejournal.com]

Yah, the Clueless Rude can easily get to be too much. And I think you shouldn't have to make apologies for *anyone*.

[lagilman]

I tend to give benefit of the doubt, often even after all doubt has been removed. I guess I want to believe the best of people, even when they insist on showing me the worst/most stupid....

[windrose.livejournal.com]

The only time I ever had someone try to sit at a table with me in a crowded lunchtime situation, she asked politely first. She was an older woman--in her 70s, if I had to guess--and turned out to be quite sweet. Of course, I wasn't trying to work, I was just grabbing some lunch before I had to get back to the bookshop, so I didn't mind the interruption. If anything, I enjoyed the company. I'm not all that fond of eating out alone.

[handlebar605.livejournal.com]

in Germany (is that any where near where you were?) it was long tables at the beer garden & you just stepped over the benches at an unoccupied seat at the table.

[lagilman]

is that any where near where you were?)

Only in the way that New York City is near Germany....

(if I'd been traveling, I would have said so. I was home, in my own neighborhood)

[miladyinsanity.livejournal.com]

This sort of thing always happens to me. According to a girlfriend of mine, she says it's because I'm a female too (fair enough), and because I'm small, I look less threatening--apparently, a really ticked off small person is 'less threatening.'

And the thing is, back when I had a school uniform, they would just leave it be once I say I'm here to study. Now they don't any more! Grrrrr!

[jperceval.livejournal.com]

Oh, do not get me started on the Rude in Public. I changed my train station years ago to get away from Never Shuts Up Man. Kudos to you for your patience!

[lagilman]

I'm not sure I really qualified as patient, just decently-mannered. If I'd been less head-down in work I probably would have chatted with her a little, the way you do in such situations, but... Her assumption-without-asking triggered my "I have as much worth as you do, so back OFF" reaction rather than my "oh, of course, no worries." Meh.