lagilman | "What Do the Unpublished Folk Do?"

as polished and posted to the Luna board this evening. Sadly, I must take sole credit for perpetuating this particular filk...

Laura Anne:
What do the unpublished folk do
To help them escape when they're blue?
The writer who is wailing, the writer who is numb
The writer who is terrified of looking so dumb
When they're beset and besieged
The folk not contract’ly obliged
However do they manage to shed their weary lot?
Oh, what do unpublished folk do we do not?

Misty:
I have been informed by those who know them well
They find relief in quite a clever way
When they're sorely pressed, they workshop for a spell
And workshops seem to brighten up their day
And that's what unpublished folk do
So they say

Laura Anne:
They workshop?

Misty:
So they say

(they tear over some of their stories for a while)

Laura Anne:
What else do the unpublished folk do
To pluck up the heart and get through?
The wannabees and the almost-theres
Who wander to and fro
Have ways known to their writing groups
We pro- folk don't know
When all the doldrums begin
What keeps each of them in his skin?
What ancient native custom provides the needed glow?
Oh, what do unpublished folk do?
Do you know?

Misty:
Once, upon the road, I came upon a lad
Whinging in a voice three times his size
When I asked him why, he told me of rejection
And whinging always made for resubmission
And that's what unpublished folk do
I surmise

Laura Anne:
They whinge?

Misty:
I surmise

BOTH
Oh Christ, my book, oh Christ, my book
An editor’s rejecting my book
The others shine with lesser prose
And crappy plots best-sell away
Hear Booker call everyone else
And taste despair while you may
The world is fraught and nothing’s right
And life is dreary and grey.

Laura Anne:
What else do the unpublished folk do?
They must have a system or two
They obviously outshine us at turning tears to mirth
And tricks once published you lose at book's birth
What, then, I wonder, do they
To chase all the goblins away?
They have some tribal sorcery you haven't mentioned yet
Oh, what do unpublished folk do to forget?

Misty:
Often, I am told, they drink a fiery drink
They drink ‘till they're completely uncontrolled
Soon the mind is blank and oh, they cannot think
A happy place astounding to behold
And that's what unpublished folk do
So I'm told

Laura Anne:
They drink?

Misty:
So I'm told

(they drink. Heavily.)

Laura Anne
What else do the unpublished folk do
To help them escape when they're blue?

Misty
They sit around and wonder what published folk would do
And that's what unpublished folk do

Laura Anne:
(spoken)
Oh, no, really?

Misty:
I have it on the best authority.

BOTH
(sung)
Yes, that's what unpublished folk do