"What Do the Unpublished Folk Do?"

[lagilman]

as polished and posted to the Luna board this evening. Sadly, I must take sole credit for perpetuating this particular filk...


Laura Anne:
What do the unpublished folk do
To help them escape when they're blue?
The writer who is wailing, the writer who is numb
The writer who is terrified of looking so dumb
When they're beset and besieged
The folk not contract’ly obliged
However do they manage to shed their weary lot?
Oh, what do unpublished folk do we do not?

Misty:
I have been informed by those who know them well
They find relief in quite a clever way
When they're sorely pressed, they workshop for a spell
And workshops seem to brighten up their day
And that's what unpublished folk do
So they say

Laura Anne:
They workshop?

Misty:
So they say

(they tear over some of their stories for a while)

Laura Anne:
What else do the unpublished folk do
To pluck up the heart and get through?
The wannabees and the almost-theres
Who wander to and fro
Have ways known to their writing groups
We pro- folk don't know
When all the doldrums begin
What keeps each of them in his skin?
What ancient native custom provides the needed glow?
Oh, what do unpublished folk do?
Do you know?

Misty:
Once, upon the road, I came upon a lad
Whinging in a voice three times his size
When I asked him why, he told me of rejection
And whinging always made for resubmission
And that's what unpublished folk do
I surmise

Laura Anne:
They whinge?

Misty:
I surmise

BOTH
Oh Christ, my book, oh Christ, my book
An editor’s rejecting my book
The others shine with lesser prose
And crappy plots best-sell away
Hear Booker call everyone else
And taste despair while you may
The world is fraught and nothing’s right
And life is dreary and grey.

Laura Anne:
What else do the unpublished folk do?
They must have a system or two
They obviously outshine us at turning tears to mirth
And tricks once published you lose at book's birth
What, then, I wonder, do they
To chase all the goblins away?
They have some tribal sorcery you haven't mentioned yet
Oh, what do unpublished folk do to forget?

Misty:
Often, I am told, they drink a fiery drink
They drink ‘till they're completely uncontrolled
Soon the mind is blank and oh, they cannot think
A happy place astounding to behold
And that's what unpublished folk do
So I'm told

Laura Anne:
They drink?

Misty:
So I'm told

(they drink. Heavily.)

Laura Anne
What else do the unpublished folk do
To help them escape when they're blue?

Misty
They sit around and wonder what published folk would do
And that's what unpublished folk do

Laura Anne:
(spoken)
Oh, no, really?

Misty:
I have it on the best authority.

BOTH
(sung)
Yes, that's what unpublished folk do

Comments

[girasole.livejournal.com]

Utterly hilarious. You should be ashamed of yourself. No, not.

Brava.

mea culpa, mea not sorry one bit

[lagilman]

It's been a point of much bonding, over on the Luna boards, for the neo and pre-pros to realize that you can be fifteen books (or more) into your career and still have the same freakouts (and more) that someone on their first submission is going through.

Giggling seems to make the trauma a little less, well, traumatic.

Re: mea culpa, mea not sorry one bit

[deire.livejournal.com]

I love it, oh sickest of puppies.

Re: mea culpa, mea not sorry one bit

[vincam.livejournal.com]

you can be fifteen books (or more) into your career and still have the same freakouts (and more) that someone on their first submission is going through.

Worse for the pros, because we have higher expectations and something to live up to. How horrible it would be to sell one or two books that tank.

Re: mea culpa, mea not sorry one bit

[lagilman]

I don't think there's anything more or less horrible, no matter whn the book that tanks comes along (and, unless you're lucky/blessed, there WILL come a book that 'does not perform to expectations." All you can do is hope that you've built up enough good will to carry you to the next one that does perform/exceed.)

Oh, man

[banazir.livejournal.com]

*applause*

--
Banazir

[lynx-rufus.livejournal.com]

I will learn this by Boskone so I can be a LAG backup singer -- an, er, LAGette! :)

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

That is hysterical!!

...still have the same freakouts (and more) that someone on their first submission is going through.

OMG, yes. I think that was the first thing that actually helped me. I was freaking over a rewrite of my first novel and sought help from a friend who is on book 13. She was grouting her tub to avoid writing because she was freaking out over her rewrite.

BTW, and with your permission, I'd like to send a link to this to a couple of my writing cronies.

[lagilman]

Sure, so long as it's not distributed sans name/attribution and proper original source credits...

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Done - linked to your post and crediting you. :)

Thanks!

[marinarusalka.livejournal.com]

Hee. You are evil, and I deeply admire you.

[lagilman]

*curtseys*

Observation about published folk

[lansan5.livejournal.com]

you know what peeves me? when my fav authors do a reprint of old books and I walk into the bookstore see a new cover and go AWESOME new book only to find out it's something I read years ago :(

[sleeeeeep.livejournal.com]

(they drink. Heavily.)

Scuse me, I need to get up and get another drink.

Deeply Evil, is more like. As in Fruits of the devil (Mike Myers)