small vent of steam....

[lagilman]

My name is not that difficult. Really. Especially if you're typing it, rather than saying it out loud.

Do I abbreviate your name? No I don't, not without permission and/or a certain level of familiarity. And if you say "My name is X," then I call you X. I don't decide you meant "My name is really Y."

How be-damned hard is it? Seriously?

Comments

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think your name is more of a bother to type than say. :)

[lagilman]

*mutters*

Still. Then you can use "LAG" like a lot of people do. Assuming that of COURSE I don't mind if you shorten it, without asking my preference...

I know it's a losing battle. Even when I specifically say "My name is Laura Anne" in formal or non-family settings, people ignore me. But I want it at least on record that it irritates.

(hell, I'd rather people use my actual nickname!)

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Which is "Suri", right? I would if I ever thought of it. But yes, that's exactly why I /do/ use "LAG" when I feel the need to abbreviate your name when typing: because I know your name is in fact not "Laura". :)

[lagilman]

Meerkat, actually. Suri is the LJ version.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

And here I was about to comment "I don't dare comment, considering what I call you"!

[lagilman]

*snerk*


Friends and family get exemptions, especially if they were around when said nicknames were created. It's the casual "oh hi, we just met, social situation" abuses that piss me off. And if you're going to type out "Laura" (on facebook, for example) why not "Laura Anne?" Or LAG, if you want to save characters....

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

Losing battle? The pronunciation of my actual surname.

(No, it doesn't rhyme with Birmingham or Buckingham, even though it looks as though it should.)

[lagilman]

This is MY whinge. Go whinge in your own LJ. :-P

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

**bbllrrpptt**

[cypherindigo.livejournal.com]

I always assume that "Ms. Gilman", is a polite and proper mode af address.

[barbhendee.livejournal.com]

I really do understand your frustration. My legal name is Barb. I don't like being called "Barbara," which people do quite frequently--probably thinking it's my full name. But "Barbara" makes me wince for some reason.

So many writers like Dean Wesley Smith use a middle name on their books, maybe some people who don't know you well think the "Anne" is a middle name?

[lagilman]

When I introduce myself as "Laura Anne" and sign things "Laura Anne" then why would someone come back with "Laura?" That's my gripe, that people insist on ignoring my stated and used preference for my entire name.

(which is done in self-defense, starting in 1989 when I worked in an office of Laras and Lesleys and Liselles, it's not something I just started doing last month!)

[terri-osborne.livejournal.com]

Just a spitball of a thought, but probably because most people aren't used to people using two names as their given name(especially if one of the two isn't Mary or you aren't in the deep South), and just default to using what they think is the singular given name.

Annoying as sin, yeah, but it's probably one of those stupid ingrained conventions. Same type of thing that causes people to assume my name is Theresa. Um, no.

[lagilman]

probably because most people aren't used to people using two names as their given name

If someone says "My name is Joan" then they should expect to be called Joan. It someone says "my name is Grace of Glory," then unless they then say "but call me Grace," you should attempt to say "Grace of Glory."

How is this a difficult concept in any way, shape or form?


(G and I had this discussion because his tongue kept tripping over my full name, but we TALKED about it. He didn't just assume it was ok, or that my preferences didn't matter. And he was kinda embarrassed about it)

[terri-osborne.livejournal.com]

Seeing "Laura Anne Gilman" reads like Anne is your middle name and you're using it. From what I've experienced, that's just the way the average person's brain is wired to think in our culture. It takes a LOT of push to get many people past that cultural wiring.

Some people need to see a face multiple times to connect a name to it in their memory. It could be part of that same mental wiring that makes people need to be reminded more than once of the proper use of someone's name when it is different from the cultural norm they're used to using.

Not excusing it, not in the slightest. Just trying to find a reason for it. I'm not saying it's a difficult concept. I get it in reverse, FWIW.

[lagilman]

"Hi, My name is Laura Anne."

Signing things "Laura Anne."

The fact that I am using it = my desire for it to be used.


I've been told before I expect too much from people. I guess this is just another instance.

[terri-osborne.livejournal.com]

Okay, are you talking when first meeting someone, or someone who's known you for a while like G? If you're talking someone who's known you for a while, then yeah, I can understand the excessive frustration. If you're talking someone you've just met? Then you might be fighting ingrained naming conventions. If you're dealing with someone who's not accustomed to hearing a person introduce themselves with two first names, you're going to have to deal with their learning curve until they learn that your name really is Laura Anne and not Laura (and you're just introducing yourself with a full name, some people do that, not you, but some people do). Not everyone picks up social cues like that as quickly as you do. If they didn't grow up exposed to that type of thing, it's going to be different for them.

And I'm going to walk away now, because I can feel the pissed off coming through the terse tone of the posts. I wasn't trying to excuse it, I was just looking at a possible psych reason behind the behavior. You know me, "why" is my default question when faced with a question like that.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

Pfft. It's a matter of people paying attention. My wife's name is Laura, so if anyone is predisposed to chop off the "Anne" part, it'd be me. But I've been a good boy about saying your name right (I think).

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

My point was that it's not too much to expect of people if you already tell them out to say your name.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Just a spitball of a thought, but probably because most people aren't used to people using two names as their given name(especially if one of the two isn't Mary or you aren't in the deep South), and just default to using what they think is the singular given name.

Alas, I have the opposite of Laura Anne's problem -- many more people than I, at least, think probable assume that my name is "Sharon Lee" or "Sharonlee" and that my surname is "Miller".

And the point stands, if I introduce myself (for instance) as "Sharon Destroyer of Worlds" and don't say, "but it's OK to call me Sunshine" then, yanno, I've *told* you what my name is.

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

I'm more in the "I don't care what you call me as long as you call me for dinner" camp.

[lagilman]

Good for you. This is MY whinge. /cranky

[squirrel-monkey.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing people don't repeatedly argue with you about what your name is.

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

I have been amused, down through the years, at the number of ways my name can be mispronounced. It ain't that complicated . . .

[squirrel-monkey.livejournal.com]

There's a difference between an accidental mispronouncing and a deliberate insistence that your name is REALLY something other than what you choose to call yourself. But you knew that.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

I feel your pain. My legal surname is short (one syllable) but unusual. And mangled -- which I can live with -- and that mangling then insisted on -- which I can't.

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

Hey, they get 'Williams' wrong. How hard can it be?

[blitheringpooks.livejournal.com]

I agree with you. I have had people shorten my name for ages, and I don't know how to stop them. I'm not sure why they all assume they are more right than I am.

[girasole.livejournal.com]

I so hear you.

[klingonguy.livejournal.com]

As someone who doesn't answer to "Larry," I do feel your pain.

That said, I'm guilty of leaving off your final vowel on more than one occasion.

[ilvack.livejournal.com]

In that case I should stop describing you to my friends as the "Witty Mistress of the Written Ways." That may explain why they've had such a hard time finding you in the library. I just figured it was an error in the Dewy Decimal System...

[squirrel-monkey.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how many people a) call me by a name other than what I introduce myself as; b) ask me, "but what is your REAL name?" So yeah, sympathies.

[wolfsilveroak.livejournal.com]

Oh gods, THIS.

If I, like suricattus, have introduced myself as SO AND SO, what gives people the idea they can call me by other than THAT!? Argh. Let alone ask what my Real Name is.

if I wanted you to know my Real Name, I'd have introduced myself as that.

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

I cannot express enough solidarity with this rant.

My name is Deborah (Not Deb, nor Debbie) and I support this position.

[lagilman]

Well, I do refer to you as Deb occasionally.... (but certainly not off the bat).

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

exactly - and online is the only place people DO refer to me as Deb. And I've indicated I'm OK with that. Online nicknames are online nicknames. But it's the people who do first off, immediately even before the introductions are complete that ANNOY ME. And those who CONTINUE to do it after I've corrected them - as you described above - THAT is infuriating.

If you have introduced yourself, referred to yourself as Laura Anne - Laura Anne is CLEARLY what you call yourself and what you prefer. To do anything else is taking liberties.

[seachanges.livejournal.com]

My former housemate has the exact same problem. She's Leigh Ann, and you can tell who knows her from who doesn't by those who remember to use the Ann.

I do use LAG online sometimes, and also Suri. Then again, 1) that's online and 2) I know you. I also remember asking you how you preferred to be addressed when we first met. You said "Laura Anne." I took that to mean you liked to be called ... Laura Anne.

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

Yep.

My name is Deborah. All 3 syllables.

There's only one person still alive who gets to call me Debbie, a cousin who's now in her late 80s and has known me since I was 3. And her father helped my father to immigrate to the US back in 1922.

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

I think you should move to France. France is land where everybody has two names: Jean-Marie, François-Xavier, Thierry-Marie… They even spell my name as two names: L…-E… I only use my middle professionally.

[corvidophile.livejournal.com]

i totally understand! i got tired of hearing my name wrong (and continuously spelled wrong) that i gave up and go by my nickname Rose except with family members (who still spell it wrong... and its Tracy for gawds sake, not Tithandianisi or something). Rose is very hard to misprounounce and really hard to mispell lol.

[neko-san.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I'm really sorry, but I don't always respond to 'Laura'; I key off of 'Laura Anne'."?

I'm fairly flexible with my name; there are some things that I don't respond well to, like "Jen" and "Catherine", and others like "Jenny" that just really infuriate me. (Not sure why; I insisted on being called "Jenny" when i was very young. Or perhaps that is *exactly* why I hate it now.)

I tend to be very strict in copying names in writing. (You sign a letter Bob, I address a reply to Bob. You sign it Dr. Brown, I address a reply to Dr. Brown.) Speaking, i'm not as careful, but then i usually just totally space cadet on the name and say "Oh, you know, it's that person who shares my bed. No, not them, the other one. No, the other other one." (Sheesh, I got years of flack for that.) *headdesk*

[spiziks.livejournal.com]

Come sit by me.

I introduce myself as "Steven," sign letters and email as "Steven," and then get called "Steve." and it gets quite annoying.

[6-penny.livejournal.com]

Gratuitious shortening of given names , or ending them in 'ie' also strikes me as demeaning - especially when done by casual acquaintances.