A Contest! A Contest!

[lagilman]

In two months -- exactly! -- I will be sitting in this chair, happily freaking out over the fact that Flesh and Fire: Book 1 of the Vineart War will be hitting the shelves.

But why should y'all have to wait [or take my word for it] to see why I'm so excited?

So. A contest seems to be in order, with the winner(s) getting the first finished copy of Flesh and Fire available (yes, you get a keeper copy before I do!).

However, I'm going to make you work for it [hey, it's a hardcover!]. But work of the [hopefully] fun sort.

The Rules: Take one of the three options, and describe it... in the style of a wine review. Points for using an obscure but real wine term, more points for creating a term that sounds like it should be a real wine term. Lots of points of you make me want to run out and buy that vintage. No, you don't have to be serious about it. Wine reviews are meant to be mocked. Ask any wine reviewer.


Your Choices:

Fannish: The Star Wars Trilogy (original, as-released, Han shot first)
Political: Barack Obama (I figured he'd have a sense of humor about this, and not send the SecSer after me -- and if he did, it would just be publicity, right?)
Personal: kradical [What, you thought I'd let you take a shot at me? Do I LOOK that nuts? EtA; oh, all right. If you must. I'll admit to some cautious curiosity]

the fine print

The contest will run from today through 25 August and is open to anyone who lives within reach of the USPS [if I have to hire a jungle porter to deliver the book, fuggedaboutit]. I'll choose one winner from North America, and one from Elsewhere, so be sure to mention where you live in your entry!

You don't have to be a LJer to enter, but PLEASE remember to sign your posts so I have a way to reach you, otherwise you'll be disqualified.


[for those of you with no idea where to start -- try http://www.winespectator.com/wineratings or http://www.ebacchus.com/index.php?module=reviews&func=reviewsbycat&reviewsel=8]

Comments

Bwahahahaha!

[marinarusalka.livejournal.com]

Ahem...

kradical: a strong, full-bodied Italian with a mouthy feel. A friendly, accessible vintage, well-suited to serving at parties. Nice color, oddly fuzzy texture. Dominant flavor is nutty, with a strong underlying note of large ham. Should be allowed to breathe a while after decanting, as the flavors mellow with time, though overall character does not significantly mature. Goes extremely well with food, particularly pasta and fried chicken.

Re: Bwahahahaha!

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

That was a great description. I don't know the fella, but if you described him accurately, that it just LOL.

Re: Bwahahahaha!

[lagilman]

what, you're not going to take a shot at it?

Re: Bwahahahaha!

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

Nope, I leave writing to the professionals!

Re: Bwahahahaha!

[lagilman]

Then you don't get to complain (ever again) that the book is coming out first in hardcover, since you had the chance to win a copy and declined. :-P

Re: Bwahahahaha!

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

That is sooooo unfair. *sigh* Alright, I'll give it try. *sigh*

[debg.livejournal.com]

scratching head dubiously

OK, I honestly don't think I *can* do this one. This is one of the drawbacks of being a (what a STUPID name for it) "supertaster" - no sense of what makes wine good or bad.

But I'm-a settle down in the corner and see what people come up with. I like the take on Keith.

[lagilman]

Um, but you're not describing wine, so that doesn't come into play -- I'm asking for the STYLE of a wine review, not an actual wine review!

(sheesh, are y'all taking this seriously? Please don't. Go crazy with it -- be serious, or parody, or whatever you want... wine reviews are just begging for mockery...)

[debg.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Email...

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

The Original Trilogy taken as a whole, or as three separate wines?

[lagilman]

hrm. After conferring with my fellow judges, we determine: taken as a whole. After all, a wine can open one way, but taste quite different when poured the next afternoon!

Here Goes...

[lucysnowe25.livejournal.com]

The Star Wars Trilogy is a half dry wine in a lush purple hue. Brought to you all the way from Tatooine. This rare blend cannot be duplicated, but is suitable for everyone from a princess to a wookie. Aromas of shaduva berries, black plum, and montra fruit combine with light layers of caramel, vanilla and a touch of draka nuts that will jedi mind trick your senses! Enjoy around a big bonfire with friends. Goes well with baby-back ribs and steaks.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

Okay, here it goes.

The Star Wars Trilogy (Original Version, 1977-1983 Blend):
A bold, distinctive vintage, with a hint of dryness and panache. I was surprised at the lack of ullage in the bottle; this vintage must have been well preserved. The vintage itself rivals that of the 1990 Bordeaux for distinction. Ah, but if I only had a glass of L’Arrossee to enjoy with this! The dark complexity lingers in this vintage, particularly in the middle. While still satisfying, I thought the finish was somewhat weak, although that might be due to cork taint as I detected a hint of wet Ewok in the aroma. This vintage has been occasionally blended with more recent harvests in an attempt to improve upon the original work, but all such attempts inevitably fail. Beware of those blends! Insist upon the original and you will not be disappointed!

[debg.livejournal.com]

LAG, 1967 special reserve vintage, grand cru,Gilman Vineyards. An interestingly effervescent sparkler with a surprising tartness - lemony echoes of citron presse, albeit decidedly more sec in nature. Ages well, retaining that same refreshing tartness, especially when paired with more aggressive wines. (Note: this speaks only to the LAG vintage; the reviewer is unacquainted with the other Gilman Vineyard reserves.)

that fine '67 vintage

[(Anonymous)]

tsk, you left out 'fine legs'.

'Ages well' should be upgraded to 'still improving' (not unreasonable for grand cru at only 42; this is usually followed by some variation of 'enjoy now or lay down for later', wherein other puns are best avoided).

I look forward to the more spirited volume 2 now under distillation, as I would prefer to review a 40+yo whisky, by color legs nose palate body and finish, as is our tribal custom.

slainte

n1vux

Re: that fine '67 vintage

[debg.livejournal.com]

Well, since the only wine I'm actually willing to drink is very dry and has bubbles in it - as I pointed out to her in email before writing it - I offered up my best. (Sorry, it mostly smells like Drano to me, which is why I don't read wine reviews for fun.) And I have sound biological reasons for not noticing her legs.

Nor am I sure to which tribe you're referring.

Re: that fine '67 vintage

[lagilman]

Nor am I sure to which tribe you're referring.

*laugh* He's from the Scotch side of the family....

Re: that fine '67 vintage

[lagilman]

Did I tell you that I have, purely by subliminal chance and maybe the sneaking lizard brain, established a logical variant of whisky-magic within that universe?

[fakefrenchie.livejournal.com]

This has the essence of what I wrote in French. Great minds and all that! LOL

[dmoonfire.livejournal.com]

There is much one could say about the Star Wars Trilogy. It is translucent but with just enough wit to keep one interested through the entire bottle. It has a whiny opening with just the tiniest bits of a kick, but the body is full and stirs the interest. It ends with a long finish that, while pleasing to the tongue, was unfortunately lost in the later vintages. It would go excellently with chicken, mostly likely of the fried variety, and complements almost any dining experience.

(Iowa, USA)

[badgermirlacca.livejournal.com]

kradical is a bright, somewhat insolent 1969 vintage which exhibits extraordinary terrior for an Italian wine. While the vintners keep the process for this wine a deeply held secret, it is rumored to be fermented solely in Yankee oak barrels, imparting a slightly sweaty note to the nose. The palate flavors include graphic elements of baseball, tie-ins, and untidy hair, with a concentrated intellisor of one of the more exotic finishes we have encountered in mid-value Trochenbeerenauslesen. It is an extremely productive wine and goes well with the fish course, but may benefit from continued storage for several more years.


... oh damn. Marina wins.

[girasole.livejournal.com]

I have enjoyed these mightily, and Marina clearly deserves the win.