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lagilmanYep. it's back. We're watching Boneeater. Why? Two words: Bruce Boxleitner.
The wine is poured, the chinese food eaten and the Snark is set to stun. Updates as they happen.
So far, we have ancient Indian artifacts, obnoxious construction workers (two white and one black, to be racially even) and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
0eris0 the structural engineer has pointed out that they are wearing the wrong color hardhats.
Accuracy, these movies are not known for.
Oh, Bruce Bruce Bruce. That is an impressive paunch you're sporting.
"That was two years ago. I can make my own toast."
"Wow, you have grown up."
Oh dear. This was written by a non-Union screenwriter, wasn't it?
0eris0 is snarking mightily on the construction neep. Hardhats, dude. You have to wear hardhats on site! (me: it's not like they have brains to protect...)
Oooo. An eclipse. Right on schedule for them to Discover The Bones....
Ooo, a tremor! Or the cameraman sneezed...
(OMG the nerdy professor looks like a slightly pudgy Alton Brown. That's really disturbing.)
Okay, why does the creature have a bone loincloth? Or is that a five-fingered...ewwww.
And there go the students. Bye-bye students!
0eris0 is having conniptions over the worksite. "You don't lay foundation! You pour foundation! You lay brick! Oy."
I just want to know how the head honcho manages to go to a worksite in the desert and yet no dust appears on his dark blue suit...
I love Bruce's hair. I want my hair to silver that way.
These are the whitest Indians I've ever seen. And Bruce as mystically-touched part-Indian just makes me laff. Hard.
And where did the bone-eater get a sword? And a horse! Kewl, a bone-horse... it looks like a very dusty shetland.
OMG, this is some of the worst CGI I've seen outside of a student project in a decade... Yes, even worse than "Ghost Rider."
Ooo, Angry Young Red Man argues with Wiser Older Red Man over using the Demon Beast, during which Clews are...
OMG! It's Walter Koenig! Eeee, he looks like hell.
"All evidence points to these men being dead."
me: what evidence? you have no evidence!
Dude. You just gave your girlfriend stolen Indian artifacts. This Will Not End Well... and now you're making out in your truck. You're dead meat.... yep. You're brave, but stupid. And game over!
*yawn* Bruce, I love you, but we need more bad-CGI monster. He's preferable because he doesn't have to mouth badly-written dialogue...
the skinhead Indian tough walks like a duck. That should be his Indian name -- Walks Like Duck.
"This has me stumped." *groan* "I'm just a country doctor." *groanX2*
So how the hell did they get away when nobody else could, even with vehicles? Oh, 'cause they're the heroes. D'uh.
Hey, that actor there delivered a line in a manner that sounded almost convincing! That kid may go somewhere!
Ooo, the half-breed sheriff and the full breed skinhead face off acros a fire...and the score the director chose? A Westerns theme. Um. Hello?
And how the HELL does Bruce know, from nowhere, how to defeat this thing? And when did he learn to throw a bone tomahawk?
And there it ends. All build-up and a resolution I-as-editor would have sent back to the writing-board. Yay for sci-fi saturday night!
(but the "hints for surviving" commercial were amusing -- "if something has eyes in the back of its head...don't stand behind it." Useful tip, that)
The wine is poured, the chinese food eaten and the Snark is set to stun. Updates as they happen.
So far, we have ancient Indian artifacts, obnoxious construction workers (two white and one black, to be racially even) and
0eris0 the structural engineer has pointed out that they are wearing the wrong color hardhats. Accuracy, these movies are not known for.
Oh, Bruce Bruce Bruce. That is an impressive paunch you're sporting.
"That was two years ago. I can make my own toast."
"Wow, you have grown up."
Oh dear. This was written by a non-Union screenwriter, wasn't it?
0eris0 is snarking mightily on the construction neep. Hardhats, dude. You have to wear hardhats on site! (me: it's not like they have brains to protect...)Oooo. An eclipse. Right on schedule for them to Discover The Bones....
Ooo, a tremor! Or the cameraman sneezed...
(OMG the nerdy professor looks like a slightly pudgy Alton Brown. That's really disturbing.)
Okay, why does the creature have a bone loincloth? Or is that a five-fingered...ewwww.
And there go the students. Bye-bye students!
0eris0 is having conniptions over the worksite. "You don't lay foundation! You pour foundation! You lay brick! Oy."I just want to know how the head honcho manages to go to a worksite in the desert and yet no dust appears on his dark blue suit...
I love Bruce's hair. I want my hair to silver that way.
These are the whitest Indians I've ever seen. And Bruce as mystically-touched part-Indian just makes me laff. Hard.
And where did the bone-eater get a sword? And a horse! Kewl, a bone-horse... it looks like a very dusty shetland.
OMG, this is some of the worst CGI I've seen outside of a student project in a decade... Yes, even worse than "Ghost Rider."
Ooo, Angry Young Red Man argues with Wiser Older Red Man over using the Demon Beast, during which Clews are...
OMG! It's Walter Koenig! Eeee, he looks like hell.
"All evidence points to these men being dead."
me: what evidence? you have no evidence!
Dude. You just gave your girlfriend stolen Indian artifacts. This Will Not End Well... and now you're making out in your truck. You're dead meat.... yep. You're brave, but stupid. And game over!
*yawn* Bruce, I love you, but we need more bad-CGI monster. He's preferable because he doesn't have to mouth badly-written dialogue...
the skinhead Indian tough walks like a duck. That should be his Indian name -- Walks Like Duck.
"This has me stumped." *groan* "I'm just a country doctor." *groanX2*
So how the hell did they get away when nobody else could, even with vehicles? Oh, 'cause they're the heroes. D'uh.
Hey, that actor there delivered a line in a manner that sounded almost convincing! That kid may go somewhere!
Ooo, the half-breed sheriff and the full breed skinhead face off acros a fire...and the score the director chose? A Westerns theme. Um. Hello?
And how the HELL does Bruce know, from nowhere, how to defeat this thing? And when did he learn to throw a bone tomahawk?
And there it ends. All build-up and a resolution I-as-editor would have sent back to the writing-board. Yay for sci-fi saturday night!
(but the "hints for surviving" commercial were amusing -- "if something has eyes in the back of its head...don't stand behind it." Useful tip, that)
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Date: 2008-02-10 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:23 am (UTC)(cat - 1; 14-year-old tv - 0)
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Date: 2008-02-10 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 04:59 pm (UTC)I think my kitten is less a kitten than a dog/ferret. Anything shinny goes to her nest in the closet, and she follows the dog where ever he goes.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-10 05:01 pm (UTC)She is a heat-seeking feline, so I am going to buy her a heated fleece window cushion in compensation. Seems only fair.
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Date: 2008-02-10 04:37 pm (UTC)Since you like Bruce, were you a Babylon 5 fan?
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Date: 2008-02-10 04:49 pm (UTC)Hah, I've been a fan since "How the West Was Won." And that so very very dates me (actually, I was really a fan from the "Scarecrow & Mrs. King" days, but that was as much for Kate Jackson ...) But yes, I liked B5 from episode one. Smart scriptwriting gets me, even when it's mostly in potential (the series took a while to find it's feet, but it was woth the wait.)
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Date: 2008-02-10 05:02 pm (UTC)IMHO Bab5 was one of the best written TV shows evah. JMS was a genius when it came to complex, entertaining storytelling.
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Date: 2008-02-20 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-20 06:45 pm (UTC)This is the scene I would add to the end of the credits:
Date: 2008-02-11 05:37 am (UTC)Blue skies. PEOPLE wearing white robes walk around on clouds.
FULL BREED SKINHEAD enters and looks around.
FBS: Great. At least it isn't--
FIRST DEAD PERSON: Hey, fella! Welcome! Whoa, look at the muscles on you!
SECOND DEAD PERSON: Check out those arms, eh? And the look in his eyes. This one's a fighter!
FBS: Um, yeah. Yeah, you're right. I am.
THIRD DEAD PERSON: So, how did you buy it, fighter?
FBS: Well, you see, uh....
FIRST: Don't be shy, fella. Spill! We all have our stories.
FBS: See, Bruce Boxleitner...
SECOND: What? He hit you with his car?
FBS: No, nothing like that. I mean, I came at him with a knife, and ...
SECOND: And what? He shot you?
THIRD: (realization dawns) This guy didn't get shot, did you, fighter?
FIRST: So?
They all wait for his explanation.
FBS: See, the third time I came at him...
Rather than finish the sentence, Full Blood Skinhead pulls aside his robe showing a bloodless knife wound in his chest.
The others stare at it.
They look at each other.
They all burst out laughing.
FIRST: Bruce Boxleitner!
THIRD: THE THIRD TIME!
FBS seethes while their derisive laughter grows louder and louder. He turns around.
All the damned in hell are laughing at him.
Killed in a knife fight by Bruce Boxleitner.
FBS: Great.
-----------------------------
Hey, it's at least as good as the script for the movie.
Next time: a transcript of the script meeting where the producers decide that having a monster who actually leaves boneless corpses would be way more expensive than a monster who makes people explode into dust, and who the hell cares what the title is?