TGIF

[lagilman]

I have had a good day, bad day, good day thing going, in rapid fire, all day.

So I leave you only with this, courtesy of Gardner Dozois:

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY



My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

\\\

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

\\\

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

\\\

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

\\\

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

\\\

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

\\\

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

\\\

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

\\\
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

\\\

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )

\\\

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

\\\

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

\\\

We have been friends for a very long time ...
let's say we stop?

\\\

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

\\\

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

\\\

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

\\\

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

Comments

[helcat.livejournal.com]

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

LMAO. It's funny because it's true!!!!

[debg.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

suhNERK.

[thecityofdis.livejournal.com]

This is incredible.

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the laugh! I really needed it this morning. :)

[kalligraphy.livejournal.com]

LOL, thanks for the chuckle!

[sfmarty.livejournal.com]

Yes!!!

Does Gardner have a LJ? If so, what is his name? I am having a terrible time locating old friends.

[lagilman]

Does Gardner have a LJ?

Nope, got this off a mailing list we're both on.

[las.livejournal.com]

Those are great -- thanks for the chuckle.

[neutronjockey.livejournal.com]

You mean these aren't appropriate greeting cards!?
D'oh!

[merlinpole.livejournal.com]

I was expecting things more of the sort that inspired the performance of Gardner Dozois the Editor by Walter Jon Williams at the Gardner Roast at Millennium Philcon (sung to the tune of Barnacle Bill the Sailor, with much of the same eclat).