Like a Good Neighbor...

[lagilman]

So, at first I thought I didn't have any thinks about the news that Barry Manilow had come out.  I mean, beyond thinking "not surprised, really."  

But then I started seeing all the people wondering why he waited, what the big deal was, and the "he thought it was a secret?" snark. And I realized I did have some thinks after all.

And they were this:  I'm old enough to remember when it was a big deal.  When rumors about your sexuality could damage a career, and coming out was the bravest, scariest thing a performer (or a businessperson) could do,  And Barry's older than I am, so he was already IN the business when all this was happening: he probably saw it firsthand, at the very time when he was falling in love, coming to terms with who he was falling in love with.

You internalize that shit, same as we internalize all discrimination, are constantly aware of the penalty for being different.  And yeah, he's been cautious and closeted because that was what he felt he had to do.

And now - in a time when all the gains we've made over the years to protect those who aren't heteronormative are being threatened, both legally and personally - he chooses to come out.  When there is nothing personal for him to gain - but maybe something for some of his fans to think about.

And my thinks are: you go, Barry.  Thank you. And a belated congrats on your marriage.



(for those wondering about the title of this post: Manilow started out as a jingle writer.  Including the still-famous State Farm ad referenced above.  His "very strange medley" is still one my my favorite of his concert bits)

Comments

[adhirman]

And the thing people forget is that it wasn't "a" day or a couple of weeks. This was lifetimes of things. And that stuff sticks. When Wayne had his heart attack in December as the paramedics came in I had an instant reaction of fear. Because legally we're not married. And I come from a time when it wasn't an option. It was in fact something people actively were against here in Canada. So I kept having "don't piss them off, don't give them excuses" responses to things. While I knew that now it's legal to be married and a normal thing, but the instinct from years and years and years of this was : they won't acknowledge it.

The thing is they didn't even think to ask because you don't walk into a straight couple's place and ask "are you their husband/wife?" so much. They just assumed. It was MY training that kicked in.

So back in the day? The world of hurt this would've caused? That would've stuck. So I don't at all begrudge him not coming out one day to the public because it's a whole thing. I hope this question goes away and that I'm around for a world that it's not even part of a conversation like it is now. It will be odd and I will always feel out of step, but I'd love to see it.

[mirlacca]

I don't think I'll ever forget how shocked I was the first time I saw an announcement in my company newsletter for a meeting of a group called "Q-Lambda." The courage of those employees is beyond imagining. And I've retained a sneaky sense of pride that the announcement was run at all, without comment. It was, I think, in the early 1990s, and I'm not sure the group even exists any more... because it's not needed. And that is the best thing of all.

To this day it still takes courage to stand up and say "I'm not like you." When you're in the kind of spotlight Manilow has been for most of his life, it's even harder. I echo your congratulations.

[brickhousewench]

I'm not sure the group even exists any more... because it's not needed.

Those groups still exist, but their focus has shifted a little bit.

My company headquarters is in North Carolina. Mostly in reaction to the HB2 bathroom bill in NC, they formed a LGBTQA alliance (the A is for Allies) at our main office. And we just formed a chapter of the same group at my office here in the Boston area. While the LGBQ folks are pretty comfortable being out, especially the younger ones, we only have one "out" trans coworker and she's in my office. She's been pretty vocal about how there are many more trans employees that are afraid to come out publicly. I've been watching this brave woman personally shoulder the burden of being the one person in our company willing to stand up and say, "We need legal protections so that we cannot be fired. We need changes to our health insurance policies to cover what for some of us is life-saving surgeries. We need to advocate to change laws in areas where the government is legally allowed to deny us our human rights." It's pretty awesome to witness, and I want to help her in any way that I can. Because I went to high school with at least two people (that I know of) who are trans. And I have other people that I care about who are trans.

[lagilman]

I wish to hell it wasn't still needed, but until the old ways of "anything not like me is icky and uncomfortable and i will react like a shitty 'phobe" are gone and buried....

But they will be, some day. I have faith in very little, but I do have faith in that.