in the wan light of morning....

[lagilman]

Last night's decision in Ferguson didn't surprise me.  I'm pretty sure it didn't surprise anyone.  But lack of surprise doesn't mean we think it's acceptable, or okay.

Woke up this morning exhausted and still angry, and aware that I - a white woman - don't even know a fraction of it, and that makes me even more angry, because it shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't matter our skin color, as to how safe we feel when the people tasked with protecting us walk by.

But from the comments made on Facebook and Twitter last night - some of them clueless or hurtful, some of them truly racist - there's  a percentage of people out there who default to "they're rioting and tearing up their own neighborhood, so clearly rhe cops were right."

The difference between a riot and revolt, goods-driven looting versus the manifestation of rage and unbearable pain - seems lost in the distance-viewing.  Maybe that's how some people hold onto their belief that it won't ever happen to them, that they're safe, because they haven't done anything wrong.

I was raised to think of the cops as allies, guardians. I haven't felt that way in years, not when as a female I was at risk, not when any non-white companions I might be with were at risk. They have the weapons, the power, and - it's been made very clear - the run of the system. I know I'm not alone in this hesitation-to-trust.. And it's not our fault we feel this way, it's not something we-the-citizens have done wrong. It's the system, and it's the people in uniform who have let this fester and grow within their ranks, who have used the system to protect themselves, rather than those in true need.

"41 Shots"

This can't be fixed from only the outside-in. It has to be fixed from within, too.

Or it has to be dismantled and rebuilt, better.

And, because it's never good to go into the day bitter, sad, or despondent, I also give you this: ...and they told us to tell you hello.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

It's heartbreaking. I do not understand these people. I do not understand how they can bear themselves, and their cruelty and privilege. This isn't justice.

[difrancis.livejournal.com]

I actually was surprised by the decision. And then I wasn't. But I had this idea that with the whole world watching, it would play out differently. I would really like to hear someone explain this in a way that makes sense. I suspect it's impossible. I'm disappointed and I hate the message this sends.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of "Any Mick'll Do" by Brian McNeill, and how it is so appropriate to both the Ferguson events and the immigration issues of last week.

[asia27.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I admit quietly to being afraid for the lives of my son and husband. The majority of whites simply only SEE white; they really don't acknowledge the lives of peoples of color unless there's something they want or a situation like this in Ferguson arises.

I lived in MIssouri as a teenager and coming from the East Coast, it was like a foreign land; you could feel the undercurrents there of the past. A hell of a lot of racism exists there, even now. You have quiet members of KKK and other organizations there; watch the smiles because you have no idea what's really behind them. It isn't the paradise that Governor Nixon and the mayor try to present it as. I have a son, 40 years old, ex-military and now a disabled veteran. I've watched an NYPD cop put his hand on his gun to pull it while my son, in his Army dress uniform and on active duty, walked up the street with me in his direction. If I hadn't been in a cop family, I wouldn't have believed how racist cops can be when they see males of color. My son is 6'4'; but he was no threat to this cop; my son wasn't even paying attention to him. They never exchanged words but the cop and I exchanged looks and I don't back down from them. I KNOW what they are capable of; I've had to deal with them in MIssouri and I'm not going to cut them slack. As a woman, I don't trust cops. I live in an area bordering where Diallo, Dorismond and Bell were killed. People here don't trust white cops and that is the real crux of these cases. The real problem is the attitude of WHITE cops and the racism they carry with them. Unless you have direct dealings with them as a person of color, the problem is invisible to the general public and white communities at large. The NY Times carried a story a few months ago where a white judge was beaten by an NYPD cop, even though he identified himself as a judge-and the cop got away with it! Apparently the judge saw the cop doing something illegal to a perpetrator and spoke to the officer only to wind up getting his own beatdown. He sits on the Superior Court; i have the feeling he will look at them very differently now in many ways. This is going to resonate for a long, long time but what will it do for our sons, brothers and husbands' safety?

[janetl.livejournal.com]

It wasn't until the decision was announced that I realized I'd had more than a sliver of hope that the grand jury would indict. So sad.