I should not try to be clever in the morning. And certainly not in front of the general public.

[lagilman]

This morning, while nursing a sinus headache, I looked out the window, and thought "ooo, pretty snow." And tried to create a haiku to cover it. But my brain didn't let me focus. So instead I wrote:

Soft white drops against the black / calls for a haiku / the snowplow interrupts me


Those of you being Clever may note that the structure is not 5-7-5 but rather 7-5-7. Those of you being Clever and Quick may have noted that the poem not only does not claim to be a haiku, but admits that it fails as a haiku, being self-aware of its flawed structure.

Apparently, this was Too Subtle, as I got tweets informing me I Dun It Wrong.

*sigh*

Comments

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

Way too subtle for me, I'm afraid.

But then I didn't note the 757 at all - just that you did manage to mention weather. (I assume you were thinking of the English haiku rules rather than the Japanese, since your poem was in English.)

[out-totheblack.livejournal.com]

::snort:: I got it.

[lagilman]

Well, since a) it was, as you pointed out, in English, and b) since in Japanese it's sounds that are measured rather than syllables...

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

I wasn't aware of the difference with the Japanese rules before being prompted to go looking.

Five syllables first
Seven syllables second
Five syll ... ooh, snowflake!

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

I got it, but then, I'm coming late to the party.

I like the idea of an inverted haiku.

[lagilman]

It was mainly my frustration at not being able to form the structure properly, something that usually comes easily (haiku makes sense to me, in a way other forms don't). The play on being unable to write a haiku and using an inverted form to express the frustration of the moment along with the emotion of the scene was... I don't know if "intentional" is the right word, but certainly part of my authorial intent.

So if anyone decades from now poses a question about that brief poem, now the scholars will know. :-)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Apparently I am both Clever and Quick.

*goes to bed satisfied*

[lagilman]

Apparently I am both Clever and Quick.

darlin, we already knew that.

[firynze.livejournal.com]

Darn those snowplows and their structure-wrecking tendencies.

(hullo! Here on the recommendation of the truly fabulous clanwilliam, and already enjoying)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Doesn't everyone look back at their youth and young-adulthood and think "Oh, I was so much smarter then - I may have known nothing, but lordie, I was sharp; whatever happened to that?"?

But I did like sitting here reading the verse and thinking "Oh, she's inverted it; oh, it's ironic; that's smart" - and then reading yr following para [when did people start calling them graphs? That confuses me; graphs are something else altogether] and thinking, "Oh, that's so neatly timed, to let us get there first and thus earn our Cleverness and Quickness badges..." So thank you for that.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Whoops. I just eavesdropped this comment, and am pausing the way strangers do at parties, just to murmur, "She is, isn't she? Fabulous? That clanwilliam?" and wander off again...

[lagilman]

hi, welcome, and see the Blog Disclaimer a few posts down, which warns you what you've wandered into... ;-)

(I'm far more, um, mouthy on FB/Twitter, but the longer verbosity lands here, still)

[firynze.livejournal.com]

Here, do take a canape on your way. They're quite good...

[firynze.livejournal.com]

I shall be sure to wander your way on Twitter, as well (@candlemarkgleam), for I have an odd enjoyment of mouthiness. Particularly of the ", um," variety. :-D

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Om-nom-nom. Thank you kindly.

[lagilman]

damnit, now I'm hungry. Goat milk yogurt and a Clementine do not match the savory appeal of a canape.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Heh. Only a cad would mention the hot ham-and-egg sandwich he had just consumed...

[lagilman]

Nah, is almost lunch and I have cheddar-n-spice baked potato waiting on me. *happy*

(also, spaghetti squash squashing in the oven. What shall I do with it...hrm. EtA: ah-hh. Squashed hush puppies for breakfast tomorrow!)