the meaning of community is to provide a safe place

[lagilman]

I'm linking rosefox's post here, because I read it first thing this morning and it struck me as something everyone must read. Not needs to read, not should read, but must.

Sexual predators are everywhere. Even in our own community.

Many of you know that I'm a survivor of sexual assault as a teenager. I never said anything at the time -- that was my choice, for survival purposes, and I can't change that now. Things happen, bad things happen, and the victim may feel comfortable speaking out/pressing charges or not. That is his/her choice. But as a community, we have the obligation to make them feel safe and protected, to give them secure places to rest and relax.

And sometimes that means saying "dude, you're not welcome here."

In other words: what Rose says.. I've got your back.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

British fandom has been discussing this for a while now and it's a growing issue, but it remains controversial (because of all the vested interests in maintaining 'safe' space for those who have experienced social exclusion elsewhere). But rosefox is quite right. WE are overdue in drawing lines around how we behave in fan space (and in particular how we treat women therein). In my 20s, I put up with stuff that appals me now because I didn't know I was allowed to protest it, and I fan space offered me no support at all. I'm trying to change that for women younger than me now, but it's a long slow process.

[lagilman]

I was fortunate in that growing up in US fandom in the 70's and early 80's there was a very clear "the children are off-limits, you touch them and we will tear you apart" vibe from the adults ("children" being anyone under 16, more or less)*.

It gets foggy in the 16-30 range, yeah. We need to change that. There's a place for inclusiveness, and there's a place for protecting the injured. The two needn't be exclusive. If someone is a known predator, they do not get the benefit of doubt.





*And by the time I was in my 20's, I had The Job to protect me, a bit. My experiences as a 20-something female at conventions is probably Not The Norm.

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

I went to a couple of cons as a teenager, then did not go again (for reasons concerning money and time) until I became a pro, so my own experience is not typical. I know that this is an issue which, as La M says, concerns British fandom a great deal and rightly so (there are also issues regarding safety in the case of mentally ill fans, both male and female, and in pagan gatherings as well as SF ones, which have a similar demographic).

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

If someone is a known predator, they do not get the benefit of doubt.
That should be true. I wish it always was. Unfortunately for me, there were certain people who were known but who got away with it anyway 'because that's how they are'. I like to think we are more sensitive to the women these days, but I'm still hearing stories. It's very depressing. Though, as you say, the children are protected and were way back.
On the other hand, there is someone in the UK who collates this kind of information and is setting up informal support networks which is wonderful. I've flagged the original post for her to read, as I suspect she'll have much to say on it.

[lagilman]

There is a difference between being a sexist jerk, and being a predator. Lots of sexist jerks around, and we're stuck with them, for the most part (alas that I did not bite the hand that patronized me, as tempted). Predation, however, cannot continue to be hidden, if only so that women (and men) know who has established a pattern of it, and can act accordingly. A dog that bites must be muzzled, for public safety.

That runs us into the risk, as Rose mentioned, of false accusations. It's a real risk, especially in the occasionally stupid-bitter cultures of our communities, and I don't have a useful answer or solution. I only know that not-speaking is worse.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

It's an important distinction. The people I'm thinking of were more than sexist jerks in most cases. It's difficult to discuss in a public forum, too. What horrifies me most, on some level, is that no-one had told me it was okay to make a big, loud fuss. The classic 'good girls don't make trouble' thing had me trapped and these men took full advantage. And I was too scared and too inhibited to act. And other men knew about these guys (it was a largely male environment -- a student society) and did nothing at all -- indeed, they were rather admired.
And there are still situations out there like that: not very long ago at all a younger woman came to me in tears about how she had been treated at a con -- and it was serious -- and she too had been afraid to yell and shout when it happened.

[ms-cataclysm.livejournal.com]

Hi, I came to your post from la marquise's journal . I'd agree that the jerks are less offensive than the predators but I do think that they need to be tackled as well because:

they provide a climate of camouflage and support to the true sociopaths; and
you and I have as much right to enjoy the con as they do.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

I linked to this from my LJ. Thanks, Laura Anne.

[cypherindigo.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this.

[rosefox]

Thank you for this.

[martianmooncrab.livejournal.com]

Making public statements about someone who is a Predator at cons is a start. Most predators make sure there arent witnesses to contradict their version of events too.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

Or they get enough friends to protect them or dissemble before accusations.

I think it's a good thing to get such behavior out in the open and rejected by the community before anything resembling a media spotlight gets shown on this, tainting everybody in the process.

Even I, who very rarely goes to cons (and hasn't been to one since '95), hear tales about certain people at certain well known cons. And I don't mean rumors that things might be going on, but of the known sexual predator variety.

[linkspam-mod.livejournal.com]

Your post has been added to a linkspam round-up (http://linkspam.dreamwidth.org/25389.html).