Son of Stupid for the Sake of Plot

[lagilman]

Sending off an edit with a rather scathing side letter to the managing editor, which ends: "These are not dumb people, not the heroes (n)or the bad guy. So having them do dumb things is an insult to them, and to the readers."

Also, if the author used one more heat metaphor, I was going to hunt him/her down and slap him/her with an ice pack.

Children, gather round and listen to the aged and weary editor: "heated core" and anything molten should be used sparingly, if at all, when writing sex scenes. It's nowhere near as enticing as you might think. When in doubt, read the scene out loud. In front of someone. If they start to crack up (or you do) it's time to rethink things.

(I tend to go through my manuscript and highlight euphemisms and metaphors with different colored inks, so I can see how badly I've gone astray, and fix it before anyone finds out)


My desk is now covered with crumpled post-its. The cats are looking at them longingly. Their favorite part of this job is when the manuscript is sent back (no more being yelled at to get off the pile o' papers) and there are yellow crumpled bits of paper to chase around.

(tosses them to the floor and watches Boomer go berserk)

Comments

[ex-fashioni.livejournal.com]

Children, gather round and listen to the aged and weary editor: "heated core" and anything molten should be used sparingly, if at all, when writing sex scenes.

Amen.

Hallelujah.

Testify.

Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Can we just start a movement to strike those from the sex scenes lexicon?

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

(I tend to go through my manuscript and highlight euphemisms and metaphors with different colored inks, so I can see, after, how badly I've gone astray, and fix it before anyone finds out)

what's a fab idea and I wish someone had recommended it to the author of the book I am indexing at the moment. It's a book about murders in 1920s and 30s Chicago and frankly the euphemisms (not to mention the clunking, awkward metaphors) got so bad in the last chapter that I seriously wasn't sure what I was reading (which makes indexing rather difficult).

Lost somewhere in the gasping ("like a fish on dry land" - not as bad as a fish on swampy or marshy land perhaps), the thrashing ("like a dog with the pant leg of a burglar"), the blows to the head ("like a hammer of the gods") - one particular victim died twice (a talent, I'm sure we can all agree) - having "breathed his last" two pages before perking up enough to finally "bid his loved ones adieu"

Four more chapters to go...

sigh.

[newroticgirl.livejournal.com]

My molten core chills with the disappointment that heat metaphors aren't welcome in sex scenes. *snicker* But... but... but... aren't they supposed to be "steamy"? *giggling* Gawd, I couldn't even type that with a straight face!

[lagilman]

it was with malice aforethought I used "core" to describe the internal reservoir of current every Talent has, in the Retrievers books. Not only did I get to mock the convention, but it kept me from using the term for anything else...

[ex-fashioni.livejournal.com]

Heh. Evil and resourceful. I like it. The benefit of writing romance in First Person POV (one of them, at any rate) is that it's far more difficult to fall into those metaphor habits. Because really-- who's sitting there thinking "my molten core" while in the moment?

I have to wonder now, if that's why so many traditional writers insist that you can't write effective love/sex scenes in First Person? Because it's far more difficult to fall back onto the metaphors.

[redstarrobot.livejournal.com]

"heated core" and anything molten should be used sparingly, if at all, when writing sex scenes

What if you're having sex with the starship Enterprise?

[lagilman]

"Do you want me to dignify that with a response, or should I simply glare?"

[neadods.livejournal.com]

I have always said that any author who uses the phrase "molten core" outside of discussions of planetary geology or baking should have their fingers broken so they have time to regain their sense before touching a keyboard again.

[terri-osborne.livejournal.com]

Hell, I'm glaring. :)

[tru2myart.livejournal.com]

:rereads: :is appalled: Good Lord I'm not even a professional writer and I shuddered when I read heated core. How old are these people, twelve?!?

[redstarrobot.livejournal.com]

I'm telling you, it's a sadly overlooked media tie-in genre.

[redstarrobot.livejournal.com]

Yes, but wait and see if you can keep a straight face the next time someone ejects the overheating core. :)

[ckd]

Yes, but there's great crossover potential. "As the Falcon slipped gently between the outstretched nacelles of the Enterprise, there was a soft sighing sound...."

[greeneyedkzin.livejournal.com]

Mary Starship?

[lagilman]

Because really-- who's sitting there thinking "my molten core" while in the moment?


someone who has read too many bad category romances. Or cheesy freebie 'net-smut.

[chaoticgoodnik.livejournal.com]

"Molten core" makes me think furnace. Or nuclear reactor.

[debg.livejournal.com]

"heated core"....?

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Also, I'm only just realising that not everyone reads a chapter out loud when they've done with it. For one thing, it's the best way I've ever come across to catch two of my own most common issues, which are missing words and overuse of a given character's favourite phrasing.

I can't imagine not reading it aloud when done.

[lisamantchev.livejournal.com]

"I tend to go through my manuscript and highlight euphemisms and metaphors with different colored inks"

Ooooh. Any excuse to use highlighters is a GOOD one! :)

[lagilman]

You know you're a writer-geek when:

A trip to Staples is better than a candy store. Office supplies!

[lisamantchev.livejournal.com]

*stage whisper* I buy back to school supplies, even though I'm not in schoooool. ;)

[barbara-ferrenz.livejournal.com]

And post-its. I love post-its.

[lisamantchev.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Have you seen the little post-it flags? I have those all over my submissions binder. ;)

[windrose.livejournal.com]

Children, gather round and listen to the aged and weary editor: "heated core" and anything molten should be used sparingly, if at all, when writing sex scenes.

Put your hands on the computer and say AMEN!

[equesgal.livejournal.com]

And then Scotty could say, "I'm giving her all I got, Captain!" LOL

It rather begs the question:

[sff-corgi.livejournal.com]

Where might we find what you consider the best (most convincing, best written, etc.) sex scene in a book?

Re: It rather begs the question:

[lagilman]

One of the best sex scenes ever has no sex in it whatsoever - the "morning after" scene in "Busman's Honeymoon" by Dorothy Sayers.

"If his first words were French one would at least feel certain that he retained an agreeable impression of the night's proceedings; on the whole, however, English would be preferable, as showing that he remembered quite distinctly who one was."