in which I find I'm still annoyed...

[lagilman]

Yesterday, someone made a comment about Kickstarters in a chat room, and irritated two other members (one of them me, who responded with... well, politely but pointedly about the difference between types of kickstarters, and the problems in that sort of comment (that strongly implied a specific other person could have done a better job).

The person who made the first comment dropped out of the room without a word, then came back and told us they felt "jumped on." It was explained that their original comment had been taken, independently by both of us, as casting aspersions on our abilities.

In response, we were first told we were wrong about what had been said*, then accused of "hating on" the person they'd mentioned**, and then finally given a very grudging and poorly worded apology.*** Then they dropped out of the room, again without a word.

Look, here's a life lesson, if you haven't gotten it already: If, after you say something, you realize/are told you insulted people, "I'm sorry I hurt you" is the only response that works. Hedging an apology (and/or having to be shamed into it) just makes you sound like a spoiled brat being forced to behave civilly.


* when people are hurt by what we say, it doesn't matter what you THOUGHT we said. Impact matters.
**(no, actually, I'm fond of that person, considering we've only 'met' virtually)
*** I pretty much had to say "look, apologize for it, and we move on" before the idea that an apology was expected seemed to sink in.