Well, I'm late as usual, but here's a story. This is what I did to de-stress over the weekend...
Glad to hear you're doing better.
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Tony squinted at the envelope on the workbench and shoved the welding mask up off his face. Steve had been in recently enough that Tony could still catch a whiff of gym sweat; he had a hazy memory of something approximately envelope-sized in Steve's hand, but he'd made that "Oh dear God why do I have to chase you around like a two-year-old" face, aha, yes! And he'd taken the envelope out of Steve's hands just to make that look go away. The return address was Brown University, which, what? He wiped his hands clean and tore open the envelope.
"Jarvis," he said, "Why is Brown sending me..." He slid the envelope's contents out part way. "A...Jarvis, is this a diploma?"
"It appears to be, yes," Jarvis replied. There was something smug in his tone that made Tony narrow his eyes.
He pulled a sheet of vellum from between two heavy pieces of cardboard; there was his name, ANTHONY EDWARD STARK, and underneath it, "GRADU DOCTORIS PHILOSOPHIAE."
He shot a glare at the nearest camera. "Jarvis. I've been doing Avengers stuff for the last two years. We average about one apocalypse a week. If I'd been pursuing another PhD I think I would remember."
Except, now that he thought about it, he had been losing more time than usual in the lab. Pepper and Steve had both noticed, which was bad, because either one was formidable alone, but together they had figured out a way to steamroll him into things he'd much rather not be doing. (Like running a marathon in the Iron Man armor for charity. He was still trying to figure out how they'd snookered him into that one.)
They'd ganged up on him again for skipping meals and sleep when he got absorbed in a project and didn't come out of the lab for days, and they'd enlisted Dummy to rat him out besides. Which had Jarvis' metaphorical fingerprints all over it, in Tony's opinion. And God knew he'd woken up in the lab more than once to find some completely amazing thing that he had absolutely no memory of building.
"Uh, Jarvis, I didn't do the work in my sleep, did I?"
"No, sir."
"Then how did I get a PhD in..." He looked down at the paper again, and blinked when he read the second line below his name; surely he was translating the Latin wrong? But no. "Modern Culture and Media"? What the hell?"
"It seemed a shame not to complete the set," Jarvis replied, and there was that smug tone again.
"Complete the set?" Tony crossed his arms, though he was careful not to crumple the vellum as he did it. "There's a set?"
"You have earned degrees from all the Ivy League schools except Brown," Jarvis said.
Tony's arms tightened and the paper rattled as his fingers clenched on it. "I would have gotten to it," he said. "Eventually. And Modern Culture and Media would not have been my first choice of subject, either." Well, not before the Avengers. Clint, though, would have cheerfully made the team watch research assignments on movie night. That might have been fun.
"I'm sure you would have, sir," Jarvis said in the tone of voice Tony always thought should be accompanied by the quirk of an eyebrow and sardonic twist of a lip. "It does seem as though the Avengers Initiative is taking up more and more of your time, however."
"Hmmm. You do have a point. So, if I didn't do it, who did?"
"I did."
It took Tony a full two seconds to parse that, and when he had, he grinned so hard his ears hurt. "How in hell did you manage that?" he said. Of course it had been Jarvis; he was the only answer that made any sense, actually.
"Your name does open a great many doors," Jarvis replied. "I merely took advantage of that fact. The admissions staff were happy to accommodate your request to complete the work online, since the Avengers kinda need me to take off at a moment's notice." Tony choked on a surprised laugh when Jarvis' voice changed into a perfect copy of his own.
"Jarvis, you sneaky devil," he said. "That is...actually a little frightening. Well done."
"Thank you, sir," Jarvis said.
"Don't do it again, though." Tony aimed a stern look at the camera. "Next time, use your own name."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-01-30 10:21 pm (UTC)Glad to hear you're doing better.
-----
Tony squinted at the envelope on the workbench and shoved the welding mask up off his face. Steve had been in recently enough that Tony could still catch a whiff of gym sweat; he had a hazy memory of something approximately envelope-sized in Steve's hand, but he'd made that "Oh dear God why do I have to chase you around like a two-year-old" face, aha, yes! And he'd taken the envelope out of Steve's hands just to make that look go away. The return address was Brown University, which, what? He wiped his hands clean and tore open the envelope.
"Jarvis," he said, "Why is Brown sending me..." He slid the envelope's contents out part way. "A...Jarvis, is this a diploma?"
"It appears to be, yes," Jarvis replied. There was something smug in his tone that made Tony narrow his eyes.
He pulled a sheet of vellum from between two heavy pieces of cardboard; there was his name, ANTHONY EDWARD STARK, and underneath it, "GRADU DOCTORIS PHILOSOPHIAE."
He shot a glare at the nearest camera. "Jarvis. I've been doing Avengers stuff for the last two years. We average about one apocalypse a week. If I'd been pursuing another PhD I think I would remember."
Except, now that he thought about it, he had been losing more time than usual in the lab. Pepper and Steve had both noticed, which was bad, because either one was formidable alone, but together they had figured out a way to steamroll him into things he'd much rather not be doing. (Like running a marathon in the Iron Man armor for charity. He was still trying to figure out how they'd snookered him into that one.)
They'd ganged up on him again for skipping meals and sleep when he got absorbed in a project and didn't come out of the lab for days, and they'd enlisted Dummy to rat him out besides. Which had Jarvis' metaphorical fingerprints all over it, in Tony's opinion. And God knew he'd woken up in the lab more than once to find some completely amazing thing that he had absolutely no memory of building.
"Uh, Jarvis, I didn't do the work in my sleep, did I?"
"No, sir."
"Then how did I get a PhD in..." He looked down at the paper again, and blinked when he read the second line below his name; surely he was translating the Latin wrong? But no. "Modern Culture and Media"? What the hell?"
"It seemed a shame not to complete the set," Jarvis replied, and there was that smug tone again.
"Complete the set?" Tony crossed his arms, though he was careful not to crumple the vellum as he did it. "There's a set?"
"You have earned degrees from all the Ivy League schools except Brown," Jarvis said.
Tony's arms tightened and the paper rattled as his fingers clenched on it. "I would have gotten to it," he said. "Eventually. And Modern Culture and Media would not have been my first choice of subject, either." Well, not before the Avengers. Clint, though, would have cheerfully made the team watch research assignments on movie night. That might have been fun.
"I'm sure you would have, sir," Jarvis said in the tone of voice Tony always thought should be accompanied by the quirk of an eyebrow and sardonic twist of a lip. "It does seem as though the Avengers Initiative is taking up more and more of your time, however."
"Hmmm. You do have a point. So, if I didn't do it, who did?"
"I did."
It took Tony a full two seconds to parse that, and when he had, he grinned so hard his ears hurt. "How in hell did you manage that?" he said. Of course it had been Jarvis; he was the only answer that made any sense, actually.
"Your name does open a great many doors," Jarvis replied. "I merely took advantage of that fact. The admissions staff were happy to accommodate your request to complete the work online, since the Avengers kinda need me to take off at a moment's notice." Tony choked on a surprised laugh when Jarvis' voice changed into a perfect copy of his own.
"Jarvis, you sneaky devil," he said. "That is...actually a little frightening. Well done."
"Thank you, sir," Jarvis said.
"Don't do it again, though." Tony aimed a stern look at the camera. "Next time, use your own name."