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lagilmanThe past few weeks have been...difficult. The Black Dog's been visiting, on-and-off, and I've been having a lot of the creepy-crawly ego-malaise, the kind that if you listen to, will drag you down forever and eat the courage-to-create right out of your head.
But one of the things I've learned is to listen outside, too. To what other people are saying, to what the world around me is pointing out. And while the inside's been trying to drag me down, outside has a different lesson. It tells me I have been blessed.
I have a family that I love, that I respect, who loves and respects me, in turn (even if they are annoyingly blase about my career).
I have friends who are not perfect, and do not expect me to be perfect in return.
I have a job that pays little in terms of financial renumeration, but offers me much in the way of intangible benefits.
I have an apartment that - while not in a trendy neighborhood - is comfortable and comforting and enjoyable to live in.
My health is good enough that I can do much of what I want to, as well as what I need to, with minimal interruptions or annoyances.
I have learned to let go of the harms done me (ok, mostly) and only wish the past well.
I have the skills, now, to be aware and proactive of the Black Dog and the malaise, to limit the damage they do.
It took me a long time to get here, time and mileage. But that's life, isn't it? You have to live a bit of it before you can understand.
I have no great advice from all this: everyone has different voices, different dogs at their heel. Live, and listen, and be aware of the blessings, I guess. Blessings are gifts you yourself have created, and earned. Celebrate them, and they may save you.
Addendum: this morning a series of links took me to this article: "Whose Life is It, Anyway?" It's long but it's worth reading. And the commentary, too, is worth reading, as people unpack both the article and their own situations, and expand it further.
But one of the things I've learned is to listen outside, too. To what other people are saying, to what the world around me is pointing out. And while the inside's been trying to drag me down, outside has a different lesson. It tells me I have been blessed.
I have a family that I love, that I respect, who loves and respects me, in turn (even if they are annoyingly blase about my career).
I have friends who are not perfect, and do not expect me to be perfect in return.
I have a job that pays little in terms of financial renumeration, but offers me much in the way of intangible benefits.
I have an apartment that - while not in a trendy neighborhood - is comfortable and comforting and enjoyable to live in.
My health is good enough that I can do much of what I want to, as well as what I need to, with minimal interruptions or annoyances.
I have learned to let go of the harms done me (ok, mostly) and only wish the past well.
I have the skills, now, to be aware and proactive of the Black Dog and the malaise, to limit the damage they do.
It took me a long time to get here, time and mileage. But that's life, isn't it? You have to live a bit of it before you can understand.
I have no great advice from all this: everyone has different voices, different dogs at their heel. Live, and listen, and be aware of the blessings, I guess. Blessings are gifts you yourself have created, and earned. Celebrate them, and they may save you.
Addendum: this morning a series of links took me to this article: "Whose Life is It, Anyway?" It's long but it's worth reading. And the commentary, too, is worth reading, as people unpack both the article and their own situations, and expand it further.
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Date: 2012-04-05 02:50 pm (UTC)Blessings are gifts you yourself have created, and earned. Celebrate them, and they may save you.
This. Yes.
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Date: 2012-04-05 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-05 06:23 pm (UTC)I don't know what else to say. Nice post.
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Date: 2012-04-05 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-06 01:23 am (UTC)Beat me to it, I think.
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Date: 2012-04-06 01:25 am (UTC)